Reader situation
You know two people who should meet. Making the introduction feels like a favor to both. But introductions made without asking can put people in awkward positions: one may not have time, may not want to share their contact details, or may not see the relevance you see.
Central idea
An introduction creates value when both people understand its purpose and want to participate. Ask permission first, explain their shared relevance and share only what each person has agreed to disclose. Then step back.
Practical steps
- Identify shared relevance. Before you contact either person, write down why the introduction makes sense. Be specific: what does each person know or need that the other might help with? “You’d get along” is not enough reason. “Ana is about to launch in Germany, and Ben ran his company’s expansion there last year” is.
- Check the relevance in both directions. An introduction where one person gets all the benefit can still be worthwhile, but say so honestly when you ask the other.
- Ask both parties. Contact each person separately before making the introduction. This is often called a double opt-in. Start with the person whose time is more limited or who is being asked to help. Explain who the other person is, why you think a conversation could be useful and what would be asked of them. Make it easy to decline: “No problem at all if the timing doesn’t suit.” If either person says no, stop there, and don’t tell the other person they declined unless they’re comfortable with that.
- Asking separately matters because it is easier to decline privately than in front of the person being introduced. A group message sent without warning leaves the recipient choosing between an awkward refusal and a conversation they didn’t want.
- Agree what to share. Ask each person what they are happy for you to say about them and how they would like to be contacted. Some people prefer a message on the platform; others are happy to share an email address. Don’t pass on contact details, background or circumstances that either person hasn’t agreed to share. This matters most when someone’s situation is sensitive, such as a job search they haven’t made public. When in doubt, share less and let the two people tell each other what they choose.
- Write the introduction. Keep it short. A good introduction message does three things:
- Says who each person is, in a sentence.
- Explains the specific shared relevance.
- Suggests a next step, while leaving the decision to them.
- For example: “Ana, meet Ben. Ben led his company’s expansion into Germany last year. Ana is preparing a similar launch and has questions about early hiring. Ben said he’d be happy to share what he learned. I’ll leave it to you two to find a time.”
- Step back and follow up appropriately. Once the introduction is made, let the two people take it from there. Don’t stay in the thread or ask for a report. If you want to follow up, wait a few weeks and ask one of them lightly whether the conversation was useful. Use what you hear to make better introductions next time. If an introduction didn’t lead anywhere, that isn’t a failure. Not every relevant pairing turns into a useful conversation, and both people still know you thought of them carefully.
Worked example
Fictional example
Priya hosts a Circle for operations leaders. She notices that Marco has posted several questions about choosing a warehouse management system, and she knows Ellen evaluated three of them last year.
Priya messages Ellen first: “Marco is choosing a warehouse management system and has questions about evaluation criteria. Would you be open to a short conversation with him? He’s not a vendor. No problem if you’re too busy.” Ellen agrees, and says she’d prefer to connect through the platform rather than email.
Priya then checks with Marco, who is glad to hear from Ellen. Priya writes a two-line introduction in a group message, explaining Marco’s question and Ellen’s relevant experience, and steps away. A month later she asks Marco how it went. He says it saved him weeks.
Boundaries
- Never share someone’s personal circumstances, such as a job search or health situation, without explicit agreement.
- An introduction is not an endorsement of everything a person does. If you aren’t comfortable vouching for someone, say less or don’t make the introduction.
- Don’t make introductions to benefit yourself commercially without saying so.
One action to try with a professional peer
Think of two people who could help each other. Ask each of them separately whether they would welcome an introduction, and make it only if both say yes.
Discussion prompt
What is the most useful introduction anyone has made for you, and what did the person who made it do well?
