Reader situation
A peer asks for advice, and you share what worked for you. They nod, but you sense it doesn’t quite fit. Their situation involves different responsibilities, resources or experiences than yours, and advice based on your path may not be practical for them.
Central idea
Peers may interpret professional situations through experiences unlike your own. Ask about that context, and resist treating your path as the standard everyone should follow.
Practical steps
Use these reflection steps before and after giving advice or perspective.
- Acknowledge differences. Before offering advice, recognize that your experience is one path among many. Differences might include career stage, industry, location, caring responsibilities, financial circumstances, health or the opportunities each of you has had. Ask yourself: What might be different about this person’s situation? What advantages or constraints shaped my own path?
- Invite context. Ask questions that help you understand their circumstances: “What would make this easier or harder for you?” or “What constraints are you working with?” Let them choose what to share. Ask yourself: Did I ask enough to understand their situation before responding?
- Avoid universal advice. Frame your perspective as one experience rather than a rule: “In my case, what helped was…” rather than “What you need to do is…” Avoid assuming that what worked for you will work for them. Ask yourself: Am I sharing my experience, or telling them what to do?
- Check understanding. After sharing, check whether your perspective fits: “Does that apply in your situation, or is it different?” Listen to their answer and adjust. Ask yourself: Did their response show that my advice missed something?
- Reflect. After the conversation, think about what you learned from their perspective. Ask yourself: What did I learn about how circumstances shape professional choices? How might this change how I give advice next time?
Worked example
Fictional example
The people and details are invented to illustrate an approach. It reports no outcomes.
Rosa, a senior manager, is asked by a peer, Kwesi, how to get noticed for promotion. Her instinct is to recommend volunteering for high-visibility projects, which worked for her. Before answering, she reflects that her situation was different: she had no caring responsibilities at the time and could work late regularly. She asks Kwesi what constraints he’s working with. He explains that he leaves at five every day to care for a parent. Rosa shares her experience as one approach, then asks how he could make his work visible within his hours. Together they identify an option: presenting his team’s results at the monthly leadership review. Afterwards, Rosa notes that her original advice would have assumed time he didn’t have.
Companion tool: Perspective-taking exercise
Before giving advice:
What do I know about this person’s situation? ________
What might be different from mine? ________
What shaped my own path that they might not share? ________
Questions to ask them:
- “What constraints are you working with?”
- “What would make this easier or harder for you?”
- “Does that fit your situation, or is it different?”
After the conversation:
What did I learn about their context? ________
Did my advice need adjusting? How? ________
What will I do differently next time? ________
Boundaries
- Don’t ask about personal circumstances unless they’re relevant and the person is comfortable sharing.
- Acknowledging differences doesn’t mean your experience isn’t valuable. It means offering it with care.
- Some differences reflect wider inequalities. Advice alone can’t resolve structural barriers, and it’s fair to acknowledge that.
Member action
Ask how the other person’s context changes what would be practical for them. Let their answer reshape your advice, rather than repeating what worked for you.
Discussion prompt
What’s a piece of career advice that worked for someone else but didn’t fit your circumstances?
