Reader situation
You value your professional relationships, but they keep coming second. There’s always another deadline, another report, another task to finish first. You tell yourself you’ll reconnect with people once things calm down. Things rarely calm down.
Central idea
Work rarely reaches a permanent state of completion. Decide which relationships deserve regular attention and reserve a realistic amount of time for them, rather than waiting until the work is finished.
Practical steps
Use these reflection steps to build a plan, and revisit them every few months.
- Identify relationships. Which professional relationships matter most to you? Think about peers you learn from, people who’ve supported you, former colleagues you’d like to stay close to and newer connections you want to develop. Ask yourself: Who would I be sorry to lose touch with? Whom have I been meaning to contact for months? Keep the list short. Five to ten people is enough to start.
- Recognize competing demands. What usually pushes relationship time aside? Be honest about the patterns: deadlines, meetings, caring responsibilities, tiredness at the end of the day. Ask yourself: When have I postponed a conversation because of work that could have waited? Which demands are genuinely fixed, and which only feel urgent?
- Reserve time. How much time can you realistically give to relationships each week or month? Even 30 minutes a week, protected in your calendar, adds up over a year. Ask yourself: When in my week is this most likely to happen? What would I need to stop or reduce to make room?
- Choose simple contact. What’s the easiest form of contact for each relationship? Not every relationship needs a long call. A short message, a shared article or a brief comment on someone’s work can maintain a connection. Ask yourself: What would feel natural and welcome to this person? What’s the smallest contact that would still mean something?
- Reassess. Every few months, review your plan. Ask yourself: Which relationships have I kept up? Which have slipped? Has my list changed? Is the time I’ve reserved still realistic? Adjust the plan rather than abandoning it when it slips. A plan that works some of the time is far better than none.
Worked example
Fictional example
The people and details are invented to illustrate an approach. It reports no outcomes.
Nadia, an operations director, realizes she hasn’t spoken to her former mentor in a year and has lost touch with two peers from a leadership program. Reflecting, she notices that she postpones these conversations whenever work is busy, which is almost always. She reserves 30 minutes every other Friday afternoon. She lists five people and chooses simple contact for each: a short call with her mentor, a message with an article for one peer, a coffee with another. After three months, she has spoken with four of the five. She adds two newer connections to her list and keeps the same Friday slot.
Companion tool: Relationship time plan
Relationships I want to maintain
| Person | Why they matter | Simple contact | How often |
|---|---|---|---|
What usually gets in the way: ________
Time I’ll reserve: ________ (day, time, frequency)
Reassessment date: ________
Kept up: ________
Slipped: ________
Changes to my plan: ________
Boundaries
- Relationships should be reciprocal. If someone consistently doesn’t respond, respect that.
- Reserving time for relationships may not be possible in every period of life. Adjust the plan to your circumstances.
- Contact should be genuine. Avoid making relationships feel like a task on a list, even if the list helps you.
Member action
Schedule one short check-in with a professional peer. Put it in your calendar now, with a note of what you’d like to ask them.
Discussion prompt
What’s helped you stay connected with people during your busiest periods of work?
