Reader situation
Someone has asked you for mentoring, or you’ve agreed to mentor someone informally. You want the conversations to help, but you’re not a trained coach, and it’s easy to slip into telling the other person what to do.
Central idea
A mentoring conversation helps someone think through their situation rather than handing over responsibility for a decision. This planner supports questions, relevant experience and practical options while leaving the next step with the learner.
Practical steps
- Goal. Agree what the learner wants from the conversation.
- Context questions. Ask questions to understand their situation.
- Relevant experience. Share your experience where it helps, with its limits.
- Options and tradeoffs. Explore possible paths together.
- Learner-owned next step. Let the learner choose what to do next.
- Boundaries. Agree what the mentoring covers and what it doesn’t.
Tool: planner
Mentors and learners can both use this planner. Fill it in before or during each conversation.
Goal
- What the learner wants from this conversation: ________
- How they’ll know it was useful: ________
Context questions
- What’s happening now?
- What have you already tried or considered?
- What matters most to you in this decision?
- What’s making it difficult?
Notes: ________
Relevant experience
- A related situation I’ve faced: ________
- What I learned: ________
- How my situation was different: ________
Options and tradeoffs
| Option | Possible benefits | Possible drawbacks |
|---|---|---|
Learner-owned next step
- The step the learner chooses: ________
- By when: ________
- What support, if any, they’d like: ________
Boundaries
- Topics we’ve agreed to cover: ________
- Topics outside this mentoring: ________
- How often we’ll meet, and for how long: ________
- What stays confidential: ________
Worked example
Fictional example
Kate mentors Jamal, who is deciding whether to apply for a team lead role. His goal is to understand what the role would involve. Kate asks what draws him to it and what worries him. She shares that when she became a lead, she underestimated how much time she’d spend in meetings, but notes that her company was larger than his. Together they list three options: apply now, wait a year or ask to lead a small project first. Jamal decides to ask his manager about the project.
Boundaries
- Mentoring is not formal coaching, therapy, legal advice or career counseling. Suggest professional help when a topic needs it.
- Keep what the learner shares confidential unless they agree otherwise.
- Either person can end the arrangement at any time.
One action to try with a professional peer
Use sections 1, 2 and 5 of the planner in your next mentoring conversation, and notice how much of the talking the learner does.
Discussion prompt
What did the best mentor you’ve had do differently from someone who simply gave advice?
